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child out of control

In this way, anxiety moves from person to person in a family unit. This is a natural and automatic response. Most of the time, rather than disturbing everybody in the family, anxiety seems to settle in one person—often a child. In the family just described, the original anxiety exchange was between the two parents. If they don't get it worked out over time, the six year old might continue to react to the intensity by acting out more and more—and the adults will begin to focus on her. Not realizing that their child's response is an expression of anxiety that came from the family unit, they may come to see her as the problem and begin worrying about her. The more she is fretted over, the more anxious and symptomatic she will become—and the more symptomatic she becomes, the more focused they will become on her. The cycle has now been set in motion.

This isn't something you can play at. If there are two of you involved on a daily basis you must both have a whatever-it-takes mentality. This is akin to an intervention, so you need a unified front. Dad may have to take two weeks of his vacation time and stay home with the children 24/7 to create a unified front with Mom. It could even mean that one of you has to quit working or downgrade to a part-time job to spend more time at home. You might have to drive a less expensive car, live in a smaller house, cut down on restaurant meals and vacation closer to home, but shaking up this family is more important than all of those extraneous things combined. Your future and the future of your children is at stake. If

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